FiascoLang – an experimental language that can't even compile to machine code • loves embracing memory leaks • frequently takes coffee breaks (GC parties all the time) • snail-paced • thinks wasting memory is trendy • produces executables so big they've got their own gravitational pull • type confusion galore • dances on the edge of memory safety • worships NULLs • believes in chaos over optional-based control flow • what are tests even? • anti-modularity champion • versioning? More like guessing! • adores its shared mutable state • embraces radical complexity • has a brick wall for interop with C.