My life is always on the verge of falling apart. I don't seem to make progress in life. I don't seem to be able to learn from experience or change the things that have held me back in life. I have trouble meeting and forming connections with people. I have trouble with maintaining relationships. Fortunately my parents care for me. Out of the blue my sister estranged herself and her family from me some 3 years ago and despite trying I have not been able mend the rift or even understand its cause. I think she thinks I am a screwed up person. I don't get in trouble and don't intentionally harm people. I live in my head and I am an introverted person. I live independently and I have my own house I inherited from my grand parents. I recently lost my job and have been underemployed and misapplied in the labor market since I graduated college 2009. I can't keep a job longer than about 3 years and can't progress in a career. Most have been far shorter. At work people's opinions of me swing wildly over time from thinking I am a genius to thinking I should be fired or I am bad actor. I am pretty unemotional and don't have strong feelings on much. I have difficulty managing my own time and organizing my life and setting goals. I lack self discipline. I lack sufficient fear of consequences. I take risks and sometimes make mistakes but can do amazing things on projects at home or at work. I always stand out in a positive or negative way. People tell me their innermost secrets but they don't trust me or see me as one of them. I missed the socialization process because I isolated myself as a teenager and young adult. I think I have schizoid personality disorder that developed due to trauma in my adolescence. I enjoy living because the world is interesting and i don't feel much in the way of negative emotions.

But because of how I am I am worried I am headed for a crash. I believe one can only start over so many times from nothing.

Even when I start over I can't progress into a real life.

Before someone says seek therapy I can say that I have tried but it doesn't seem to work for me because I lack feelings to talk about and I lack the ability to change my procrastinating and organize my life. Typically the therapist doesn't understand me or how to address me. I am not anxious or psychotic but I am also not normal.

Emotions are what drive a person forward and keep them on the rails or between the white and yellow lines.

I lack the emotions to get in trouble and the emotions to do something positive with my life. I feel emotions but they are not strong enough or directed enough to drive sustainable motivation toward a goal.

I want to live a good life. I suppose all I can do is try my best every moment of the day each day and not beat one's self up for the past missed opportunities.

I am worried about my future.

Working for someone else doesn't work for me over any length of time. I don't want to get another menial job just to fail again and waste more time.

I would be interested in business ideas or passive income ideas to help give me income.

I am a good problem solver and learner and have a beeadth of knowledge about a variety of topics that exceeds most people. I have the ability to analyze a process and understand how it works and what is going on.

I have some experience in computers and programming but not recent and with so much open source and people working in the industry world wide it seems a waste of time to write software or make a website for income because its all been done and said by someone else before.

I would rather do a local service business than compete with the whole world.